Sister Duncan's a Convert???

One thing I have learned on my mission is that we ALL have a story; a story that defines who we are, where we have been, and what we hope to become. One person may be a high school dropout living on the streets while another may have just been offered a scholarship to a prestigious school. I have found that often times my knee-jerk, initial reaction upon meeting an individual is generally wrong and is often totally opposite of who a person actually is. Similarly, my story is one that I don’t think most people have uncovered; one I don’t share often because it is a story I hold very dear and close to me.  But I think it can and will help many to know what I went through and that we are all imperfect people just trying to do our best to follow Christ’s example. And, well, that is the reason I have decided to try this blogging world out!

As you all probably know, I grew up in the church with a great, strong, and active family. I have been a member now for all of my life, but the level of my conversion to the gospel was not of much strength until just recently. I was baptized at age 8 (like most Mormons are- Doctrine & Covenants 68:27) and went to church faithfully with my family. Throughout high school I did what my parents and siblings taught me-followed in their shadows. I graduated seminary with straight A’s. I prayed every morning and night. I got the “gold” award for scripture mastery. I received the 4-year consecutive reading award. My seminary all-star team won every single scripture mastery tournament. A pretty good resume, right? Well, little did I know, while doing this I couldn’t even explain how Christ’s sacrifice had blessed my life or how I could actually have a relationship with my Heavenly Father through prayer instead of just saying the same thing every night.

Growing up in Utah I felt like there was a certain “competition” to who could be the best Mormon. I’m not saying that is correct…I’m saying that is what Sister Duncan once thought! So, I did everything I could to make it look like I was the “perfect” Mormon. Looking back now, it’s pretty obvious I never had the desire or discipline to be that person I was acting to be. I normally would be ashamed to admit such a thing-It’s in my nature to be the best at EVERYTHING I do. One of the most important things being on a mission has taught me though is to humble myself enough to acknowledge I’m not ALWAYS right! Most of the time yes…but not ALL J I realize that it’s ok that I wasn’t “the best” at the gospel. Yeah, it would have been really nice to come out here and already know how to teach people and hit the ground running. But, when I first arrived in the mission field, people on the streets and doors I knocked would annoy me with the same questions, “well how do YOU know this is true?” and “why do I need this in my life?” I would get frustrated. They are great questions and if a random person just showed up at my door and wanted to tell me how to live my life, I would probably ask the same ones.  But yet…I never had that amazing “lightbulb” moment that I THOUGHT you had to have to be truly converted. I wasn’t expecting a Joseph Smith moment but I wanted that story that most converts have. So the question arose…do I actually know this is true?

Not being one to give up that easily…I decided I would follow the promise of a prophet in the Book of Mormon. (Moroni 10:3-5). This is a scripture we share a lot with people not of this church so it took me quite a while to humble myself enough to ask. Basically it says that if I have a question and I have enough faith, real intent and a sincere heart…I WILL receive an answer to my question. So I got down on my knees. I knew I couldn’t do this for 16 more months if I wasn’t 100% committed to what I was doing. And guess what? I STILL didn’t get that moment most people (who I thought) did. But I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I decided to take another step in the fog. As I continued to pray, read from the scriptures and become a little better each day…things started to click. I was blessed to recognize those small answers to my prayers. I realized how I felt every time I read from the Book of Mormon. Then this is where it all comes together…I looked back to when I was at college. This may seem totally weird to you. But, for some reason I got this sick feeling about it. College was fun and I know everything that happened there was supposed to happen. But, I thought about me now and was filled with this feeling of happiness. I had no clue why I felt so happy. But I was. And I am now still to this day. The only difference in my life now and then (other than no basketball anymore J)…the gospel. That’s the only possibility of my feelings I have now compared to before I decided to make it a priority in my life. Now, instead of being jealous that I wasn’t a convert of the church with a huge lightbulb moment, I am grateful that I was raised in the gospel. At some point of all of our lives we have to come to know what we believe is true. And I know that I can share my experience with others. You don’t have to have a huge miracle to know this is true. I didn’t and actually, most people don’t.

As I reflected on my life I realized one thing. I had always put things before the gospel. Sports, friends, school, sleep, etc. Those were the things that made me happy. So why in the world would I take 18 months out of my life to do something that didn’t make me happy? Well…if you would have asked me when I put my mission papers in…or even the day I left on the mission, I WOULD HAVE HAD NO CLUE. Still to this day I don’t know how in the world I made it on a mission. If it’s legal to have 2 words as a middle name…Socially awkward would be mine! I even remember different basketball games where I was out on the court playing and then all of a sudden glance and see a newspaper writer in the stands. My stomach would sink and after the game I would try to leave the gym as fast as possible without making eye contact so I didn’t have to talk to them.  One of my nicknames in college was even HERMIT. Again, my point is…looking at a mission LOGICALLY for me, it just does not make since. But somehow God gave me a shove and now here I am!  A lot has happened between then and now. When people say that missions are the best 2 (18 months) years of their life, they aren’t lying. BUT they might be leaving out a few details! It’s hard. It takes discipline and self-control. But like everyone says…it’s worth it. Looking back seeing where I came from on March 21, 2013-reading those words “WASHINGTON D.C. SOUTH” on my mission call letter and not knowing what in the world I was getting myself into…to now. I’ve never been this happy in my life. EVER. I’ve learned SO much I can’t even express how grateful I am. The number one thing I’ve learned is that when you’re doing what you should, God WILL micromanage your life.  

 

 

I have seen the difference in my life. I know for a fact that my life has been changed the past 8 months because of the gospel. There is no other way. Now I want everyone else to see that same change in themselves! You don’t think you can change? Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Trust me, I know it’s hard to see it in yourself but all things are possible if you put God first and give it your best effort. Now, contrary to what you all believe…Sister Duncan is NOT perfect! Far from it…but I try to be better every day and I know that my Heavenly Father is proud of that. I have gained a KNOWLEDGE that Christ’s original church has been restored to the earth today through a modern day prophet Joseph Smith. But, it all started with a DESIRE to believe and know. Humbling myself enough to admit I can’t go through life without that relationship with God. I had the desire to get answers to my questions and that’s all He is waiting for. He wants to help each of us; He is just waiting for us to reach out to Him. To end I wanted to share my all-time favorite quote with you that a sister gave me at the very beginning of my mission. It’s from one of our 12 apostles on the earth today, Elder Jeffery R.Holland: